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Don't Jump


by Vicki Abelson, Trade Paperback, Kindle

Don’t Jump, chronicles a woman’s quest to find her place and purpose amidst sex, drugs, rock n’ roll and celebrity. It’s a story of unfulfilled potential, addiction, and bad behavior. Ultimately, it’s a story of redemption, told with levity and a wicked sense of fun.

Don’t Jump takes us backstage and off-screen with a world famous athlete, rockers, movie stars, and some of the biggest names in comedy. A unique female perspective, it’s an inside view from outsider. From the kings of late night, to America’s #1 shock jock, to the top sitcom earners of all time, we glimpse their humanity, previously unexposed.

Andi’s story drives Don’t Jump––her descent and her resurrection. The celebrities who populate her life add spice and flavor but, it’s Andi’s perceptions that fuel the narrative. Smart, sassy and sexy, she projects confidence and success. But beneath her cool exterior, she knows she's "simple, boring and fat."

Seeking solutions for her disintegrating marriage, tumultuous show biz ups and downs, her slow and painful recovery, and mid-life transition, Don’t Jump explores Andi’s  journey to make her life count.


"Don't Jump is a delicious roman à clef ala Carrie Fisher, with the emotional honesty and deft writing of a modern Dorothy Parker. It has an intelligence without snobbery, a wit beyond crudity, a sensitivity without preachiness... and is funny as all hell." 
Hubert O'Hearn, San Francisco Book Review 

"The warmth and wit of Vicki's writing knocked me out! In a good way. Not like Cosby. (Too soon?)" 
Tom Bergeron, Emmy Winning Host, Dancing With The Stars

"If you've ever read Vicki Abelson's whip-smart, mind-twisting and hilariously profane screeds on Huffington Post, you know that pulling punches is not exactly in her skill set. Well, brace yourself for Don't Jump her volcanic portrait of a woman under siege by booze and drugs, an unrelenting social life, and a fair dose of self-destruction. At turns howlingly funny and surprisingly touching, it lights a match to the traditional heart-on-the-sleeve 'memoir,' giving birth to what may become a whole new genre of confessional literature. Is the book's heroine actually Abelson or a fabrication of her wonderfully warped worldview? Who cares? From the first page to the last, Don't Jump throws you on the bed and rips your clothes off and that never sucks." 
Bruce Kluger, Op-Ed Columnist, USA Today

"I've had the pleasure of attending several live readings of various chapters of Vicki Abelson's Don't Jump and with each listen, there was one question that continued to rack my brain: Why isn't Vicki famous already? Not only does Vicki deserve a one-woman Broadway show for her candor, sparkling wit and razor-sharp cultural commentary on everything from celebrity crushes to menopause she's a delicious mash-up of Carrie Fisher-meets-Sandra Bernhard but her writing deserves its own special place in the canon of those artists whose words leap from the page and stay with you long after you've finished reading. A raucous, rowdy, thought-provoking read from a writer who is sure to leave her mark." 
Malina Saval, Author, The Secret Lives of Boys, Features Editor at Variety

"I jumped, I went 'all in.' I was hooked from the self-deprecating prologue until the epiphany at the end. A novel? My a*s. Nothing can be that vivid, that honest or that funny, unless every moment was lived. I'm trying to figure out how someone whose life experiences suggest serious ADD could write almost 400 pages. May I add, the fastest, most absorbing almost 400 pages I can recall... ever. Now I know why nothing I write is ever published; I'm not this good." 
Gary Kroeger, Actor, Saturday Night Live

"Vicki Abelson's Don't Jump grabs your attention, your emotions, and your funny bone immediately much as its author does if you're lucky enough to meet her and it never lets go, as it guides you on a trip that is certainly humorous, but also painfully honest and revealing. It seems limiting to call Don't Jump a novel, as it also manages to be a journal, a guide, to the human heart and the damaging things that can happen to those who possess and utilize it. It is also a sort of self-help book, and one of the lessons it teaches you is that humor and honesty will get you through almost anything. Take this journey brilliant, self-lacerating, bracing, illuminating and notice how you've been changed by it." 
James Grissom, Author, Follies of God

"If you haven't had the rare opportunity to take Vicki Abelson to bed with you, now's your chance. She's a hot read." 
Michael O'Keefe, Actor, Masters of Sex, Homeland, --Academy Award Nominee, The Great Santini

"Do jump for Don't Jump, Vicki Abelson's funny, rowdy, touching fictional (?) memoir of sex, drugs, rock 'n' roll, stand-up comedy, and overbearing mamas kept me up till dawn several nights in a row, bleary-eyed but unwilling to put it down. Her insights into the worlds of entertainment and addiction are remarkable, and she negotiates the path from hilarious to deeply moving (and back) with finesse and precision. Add to that the fun of figuring out who she's really writing about, and Don't Jump is a wonderfully engaging ride through a world most of us only get to see from the outside." 
Jim Beaver, Actor, Deadwood, Justified, Supernatural; Author, Life's That Way

"WOW! Just plain WOW! What an amazing book Vicki Abelson has written deeply touching, searingly honest, wildly funny yet powerful like a kick in the stomach, and as bittersweet and raw as life. I read it in one sitting, didn't mean to but couldn't stop!" 
Henry Jaglom, Filmmaker, Author, My Lunches With Orson

"A funny, silly, frothy read. Vicki's voice is completely unique, and wildly exceptional. A tough book to put down." 
Mike Binder, Writer, Director, Upside of Anger, Black or White

"If Vicki Abelson's life is anything like that of her heroine Andi, it s a helluva lot more fun and dangerous, sweet and sad, than yours or mine. And apparently, Vicki's life is exactly like Andi's. Like Vicki's electric prose, it's a life that sizzles. Andi/Vicki displays a wicked sense of humor and an ability to evolve, no matter how many slings and arrows are hurled her way. Yes, there's angst and wailing, but also belly laughs along with the cruel truths. Wise and witty, Don't Jump is an awe-inspiring debut for a woman (and writer) who walks the walk on a high-wire above a raging falls." 
Paul Levine, Bestselling Author, Bum Rap

"Fell out of my chair! What a ride. It's no easy feat getting published these days even harder to write something you'll be proud of for the rest of your life. You can check that off your bucket list!" 
Chris Lemmon, Actor, Author, A Twist of Lemmon, A Tribute to My Father

"I'd certainly see Don't Jump when adapted as a magnificent one person show, much like Tru, which won so many awards when it played on Broadway. So, someone please think about the prospect of bringing this to life for all to see on stage, TV, a movie. Great work dear Vicki... MAY IT HAVE A LONG LIFE!" 
Robert Morse, Tony, Emmy & SAG Award Winner, How to Succeed in Business, Tru, Mad Men

"Abelson is a force of nature... impetuous, caustic, and incendiary... yet you feel a continual sense of contentment and calm with her at the helm, like you're being guided by someone who you could trust with your life. If you don't need another person in your world that you grow to care about deeply, then don't bother buying this book."
Gregor Collins, Author, The Accidental Caregiver: How I Met, Loved and Lost Legendary Holocaust Refugee Maria Altmann

"Ms. Abelson writes with heartbreaking compassion, vein-opening honesty and tragicomic hilarity or what might have happened if Nora Ephron had gone on a speed bender and written a female version of Frederick Exley's classic A Fan's Notes. So jump now into Ms. Abelson's generosity of spirit and an unforgettable heroine in a novel (memoir?) that'll finally launch both to that all-elusive fame." 
John Jeter, Author, --Rockin A Hard Place

"The most common phrase in Hollywood is 'I know.' Miss Abelson skewers that myth like Jumping Jill Flash in a sitcom hurricane."   
Michael Des Barres, Rock Star, Actor, Sirius Radio Show Host 

"Vicki Abelson's brave, funny and thought-provoking book about fighting your demons in a world gone mad is liable to change your life. Be warned, you may be subjected to truth and honesty. And should you become addicted you may find yourself all the better for it." 
Frank Howson, Screenwriter, Boulevard of Broken Dreams, Award Winning Director 

"If you don't see parts of yourself in Vicki Abelson's wildly entertaining, wickedly funny and at times, heartbreakingly honest 'semi' fictional journey through the rapids of rock and roll, standup comedy, marriage, children, addiction and overbearing parents, the only plausible explanation I can come up with is that you are a goldfish." 
John Hartnett, Author, The Barber's Conundrum and Other Stories: Observations on Life from the Cheap Seats

Don't Jump is a rock and roll testimonial to the strength of the human spirit, enlightening all who read it."  
Anson Williams, Actor, Author, Singing to a Bulldog: From Happy Days to Hollywood Director

"Actually do Jump... and get Vicki Abelson's book. I can highly recommend: as a writer, a reader and a jumper! Vicki will take you to places, people and things without your permission and return you with speed and safety. She's the real deal trip. Enjoy her ride."  
Carrie White, Author, Upper Cut: Highlights of My Highlights of My Hollywood Life

"Do jump... into the pages of Vicki's book. You'll love it!" 
Gordon G.G. Gebert, Bestselling Author, Kiss & Tell

"You will love following the adventures of Vicki Abelson's delightfully flawed heroine as she navigates her hilarious and touching way toward success and happiness.  A generous, engaging read like the author herself." 
Eve Pell, Author, Love, Again: The Wisdom of Unexpected Romance & We Used to Own the Bronx: Memoirs of a Former Debutante.

"Vicki Abelson has her thumb on the pulse! Her writing reverberates with deep feeling for the travails women face but never takes her subject matter too seriously to keep the laughs from flying! A joyous read that gave this gay man a lot of pleasure!"  
Leslie Jordan, Author, My Trip Down the Pink Carpet

"Don t Jump... like bungee jumping... without the bungee. Keep your eyes open, it's a great ride..." 
Rex Smith, Pop Star,  Actor, Pirates of Penzance

Vicki Abelson's Don't Jump is more than one rockin' rollin' woman's blast from the past. Through Andi, Abelson's comedianne/rockgirl with a heart of gold and a gut for irony, we get a front row seat to all the sex, lies, and celebrity of New York's club scene in the '80s. It's more than a fast read. It's an adrenaline rush." 
Josie Brown, Author, The Housewife Assassin Series 

"Everybody says Vicki's a rock star... she's better than that: she's a rock star Woman!"   
Jackie Collins, Author, Hollywood Wives

"By 75 pages in, I can see there are years of work ahead of us."       
Vicki's Therapist

"Damn! That was gonna be the title of my book."     
Vicki's Daughter

"Vicki wrote a book?"
Vicki 's Mom